On average, Americans waste $1472 a year on toilet paper. That money could instead be used to take shots at big dogs in March Madness. There is no need for toilet paper post dump. Ever notice how sometimes you pinch one off, wipe and the paper is clean? Wouldn't it be great if that scenario were the norm and not the once in a blue moon exception? "But, Dr. Buzzy, how can I consistently take a crap whilst preserving a clean azz and fresh undies?" you ask.

[B][I]You must awaken your nerve endings and muscles in and around your anus[/I][/B]. Do... More...

Dress appropriately. Wear your finest gambling hat and trenchcoat. Be sure to apply copious amounts of your chosen fragrance to mitigate the oft times unpleasant smells on the bus.

While at the bus stop, keep your eyes on the ground as there tends to be many loonies and toonies, even bills, at stops. Folks are always digging into their pockets for tickets or change in this location and inevitably lose cash. About 20% of the time, I find a toonie and sometimes a fiver.

The bus arrives. Be sure you are the first to board. Others must wait for you... More...

Guys, I decided a couple days ago or so to take a yuletide oath of celibacy. This is appropriate so as to allow reflection on what really matters at this time of year. Well, I have found it especially difficult and have been rubbing myself, jerking, jacking, etc., but have resisted the urge to climax. I keep taking myself to the point just before eruption and then back off. I am a bit nervous as to where this will lead (blue balls?) and for how long I can keep this up before giving in but I cannot break my vow... More...

Was second in line at a 4-way stop this morning in a major shopping centre parking lot. The driver in front of me (black male) and the driver (Chinese lady) in the left perpendicular lane arrived simultaneously at the stop. Both paused a moment, expecting the other to proceed and when neither did, they both took off and almost hit each other, slamming the breaks at the last possible second in the middle of the 4-way. A few words were exchanged and the ole middle finger salute administered. Both drivers had kids in the car. I watched both drivers park... More...

Boys, there's this cop I'd like to phuck (CILF) on the QEW. I always see her sitting in her one hiding spot in this speed trap. She is a fine bitch but has quite a temper. I saw her pistol whip the bejesus outta one guy last week as I was driving by.

Hanky, I'm thinking she will be a real firecracker in the sack (cuffs, guns, whips, etc) and I would love to bang her with that badge in her mouth. She could bite down hard on it as I do my thing.

Here's the skinny. I got 30 feet... More...

LCBO is especially busy these days, what with holiday parties and what not. The store employees are all up front at the register with maybe one pimple faced lil kokboy stocking a shelf or running to the back for an extra box or crate. Boyz, I never pay for booze between December 1 and January 2.

Select an LCBO in a high traffic area about 5:30 pm to ensure the employees are buried with customers on their way home from work. Walk in with full winter gear (bring a flask or small thermos, tucked securely and discreetly in your coat).... More...

I wish You and Yours a beautiful Christmas Season! Enclosed at the end of this talk is my audio Christmas card. There is truly no event that better represents European folkways and Christian traditions than Christmas. It is truly the White Holiday in far more than just the color of snow! You know I would be criticized in the press for celebrating a ?White Christmas?, but it?s the same media that promotes Kwanzaa specifically for African-Americans and Hanukkah for Jews.

Our enemies are intent on tearing down every tradition of our people, everything that gives our people a sense of history,... More...

Guys, we all know it must have happened to each and every one of us at some point. My most emabarrassing moment ever was at a Jays game back in the mid 90s. I took this MILF and her two kids there while her husband was down in the States on a multi-week sales trip (pretended to be the concerned friend and was hopin' to service her later). I was percolating something fierce that night after having some crazy spicy Korean food for lunch that day. Made the mistake of having a coffee right before the game and, given my... More...

We are spostah hate Americans and every time the subect of the US, an American company or anyting American arises, we Canadian will rash the phuck out of it. Just the way it goes. Secretly though, Canadians all want to live in the US and want to be Americans.

Go to any Wal-mart parking lot and it is packed to the phucking gills (all year 'round, not ujuts during the holidays). You can't find a phucken parking spot but all canadians will tell you they hate wal-mart. Phucking hypocrites.

Go over to Buffalo, Port Huron or Detroit and the lines on... More...

6:18 -- wake up, take dump, shave, jerk off, shower and towel off.

7:22 -- scramble 8 eggs, brew coffee, check SBR lines, log onto Greek and place certain loser wagers (setting them up for a big play later this week).

9:09 -- Forgot to take out trash last night. My side of the street picked up so take 2 large bags across the street and discreetly place in neighbor's yard.

10:00 -- make several phone calls to city hall to complain about noisy neighbour and unkept front yard (just to phuck with him -- happy holiday, bitch!).

10:49 -- call in sick and... More...